


Image

by DivineDrabbles



Category: Sander Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, My First Fanfic, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2018-12-31 04:12:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12124269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineDrabbles/pseuds/DivineDrabbles
Summary: Virgil's Face heats up out of embarrassment or what was possibly anger, "Maybe I don't like how I am! Ever thought of that, Roman?"Roman tried to calm the anxious side down, but this only made Virgil even more upset. "No? Of course, you haven't, because you're only a self-centered egotistical prick!"





	1. Realization

Virgil reluctantly got out of bed and changed out of his pajamas, and into a gray shirt and black jeans. He had a bad feeling about today, scratch that he had a  _worse_ feeling than other days. 

Virgil wasn't the most organized personage out of the four. He lost things and quite often at that, but his favorite jacket? He knew something was off, He walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

  _You really should fix how you look today, you look like you're about to pass out, Virgil. Plus you have a video to do with the others today._

He thought to himself, but he decided not to, after all, he always looks awful anyway. 

 

Virgil jumped, almost falling over, at the sudden sound of Patton at the door, 

"Virgil. Are you up yet? Sorry if I scared you, kiddo. I was just checking in on you. Oh and I wanted to tell you that Thomas wants us all at 3:00 sharp" He said, of course in his usual cheery tone. 

"Thanks, Pat. and, uh.... have you seen my jacket?  I can't find it." Virgil managed to spit out.

"Oh yeah I washed it, should be laying folded on the table, figured you want it," Patton said walking out to the main room. Virgil went out after Patton, completely forgetting what he was thinking about, only to find Roman, with _his_ jacket. 

* * *

 

"Seriously? Quit being childish and give it back." He's just trying to annoy me, isn't he? 

~~He Doesn't like you.~~

"Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and No way," Said Roman  _That asshole, of course, he does this Bull crap._ ~~Stop Trying.~~

"Really, I'm not dealing with your crap today, Roman" Whatever, I'll just take it back from him.  ~~Not Going to work.~~

"Nope sorry, Virge you'll just have to deal with it," He moved his arm above his head,  _so I can't reach_.   ~~You were always weaker than them.~~

"Damn it, Roman just give it back!"

* * *

Virgil shoved Roman backward, despite the fact he was the much lankier and weaker of the two.

"Virge, why do you even want the jacket so much? It's just some jacket." Roman asked.

"It's not just some jacket. It's  _my_ jacket." He practically hissed back at Roman, 

"So what? It's not even cold,  _ever_ , all it does is hide how you look, like for example how undeniably skinny and lean you look" Roman calls back. 

Patton and Logan can't help but overhear the conversation between the two personalities, while Patton stares in worry, Logan intervenes "Roman is not completely incorrect, quite the contrary, you do wear that jacket quite often while it is never cold. You use your jacket and other objects. Either for comfort or other reasonings, I've yet to take into consideration?" 

Virgil's Face heats up out of embarrassment or what was possibly anger, "Shut up for once, Logan and maybe I don't like how I am or how I look, Roman! Ever thought of that?" Roman tried to calm the anxious side down, but this only made Virgil even more upset. "No? Of course, you haven't, because you're only a self-centered egotistical prick!" Virgil knew what he said was wrong, all of it, he could feel the tears running down his face, he knew he was being childish and didn't care for once. Virgil did the only thing he knew what to do in that moment. He ran, ran back to his safety of his room with the loud slam of the door still ringing in his ears.  

 ~~~~_Fight or Flight. Am I right?_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's so short, but I hoped you liked it.


	2. Lack of Effort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things only go downhill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite a happy ending, yet.  
> Some more angst!  
> Do I get an angst train yet? Choo Choo?

Virgil hoped- No he  _prayed_ , that one of the others would follow him. 

No one came,

 

After he slammed his door shut he leaned against it, trying to choke back a sob. His face red with every tear burning his cheeks, he cried for what seemed like hours to him, but what were only a few minutes.

  _Useless. They don't want you around, they put up with you so Thomas doesn't get himself hurt. It's not for your sake, Virgil._

"Shut up...just shut up," Virgil mumbles to himself, while he notices he never got his jacket back. The one thing that helped calm him down, was still outside his room. His laptop sat open on his bed and he walked over and snapped it shut before shoving it out of the way and falling face first on his bed. He used the excuse of his face hidden in the blankets to let a few more of his frustrated tears out. His hands were bunching up in the blankets above his head, and when he rolled to his back he pulled the blanket with and over his face, wishing he had never gotten up this morning.

 _ ~~~~ ~~Useless, Awful, Pitiful. The list goes on.~~_ ~~~~

_Why would he bother? He knew he acted childishly. But that didn't matter everything had been said._

_He could always hide under the covers and slept till the sun went away completely._

 

 

Roman stood there, gobsmacked, not knowing how to react, with an equally surprised Logan and Patton. None of them ever saw Virgil act that way. Sure, the side would throw snarky remarks at the others every so often, but no one knew how to react to this. 

"I...Maybe I" Said the Fanciful side, while he sheepishly stared at the floor. 

"Let him have his time to cool down, kiddo. You know he's not the best to confront right away." Said Patton, even he was uncertain of his own words, but he didn't dwell on this for too long, knowing how the younger side would act. Yet he still held concern for him, _had Virgil truly despise himself that much? How had none of the facets noticed this?_  

 Logan silently thought to himself. As if nothing had happened, he wasn't showing it but he truly did care for feelings of the other sides, though most of the time he did not understand.  _Was it something they previously said, or because of now? Even if it was what had happened, Virgil had never acted this upset with any of them prior._

 

After immeasurable hours, Virgil _ultimately_  got out of bed and went through a drawer in his room grabbing a small cold metallic object in his hand. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's where chapter two will leave off for now. I like cliffhangers what can I say? A bit more sadness before comfort.  
> -Divine


	3. Blood and Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: So this chapter has some graphic thoughts and actions along with some swearing. So please if you are not okay with these be careful when reading this. Thank you!  
> Also, Sorry for taking so long in updating this chapter, my school has been like hell lately.

The razor felt cold pressed against his skin, Blood started to seep from the wounds Virgil inflicted upon his arm. 

The smell and sight both made Virgil sick to his stomach, yet he didn't dare to stop. Very little time had passed and there were cuts all up and down Virgil's right arm.

It hurt a lot, but Virgil felt like he deserved it.  _ ~~Didn't He?~~_

He didn't feel like washing or bandaging up the cuts, he let them bleed while he sat at the base of his bed. Only to be left with his _~~awful~~_  thoughts. It was quite in the anxious' traits room, but not the calm comforting quite, an eerie silence in which a pin could drop and sound like someone would have slammed into the dresser, just beyond from a now asleep Virgil. 

 

 

Almost 3 days had passed since the other sides had seen Virgil. Of course, the sides had been used to this behavior, since the darker trait would close himself off often, this time it was different. Patton would often check up and bring food to Virgil, his door was always locked and he never ate it, but it was the thought that counted. Logan would try his best to help Virgil speaking to him through the locked door not as often as Patton but he tried to help. Roman didn't do much to try and lure Virgil from his room, it's not because Roman didn't like Virgil. In fact, he held quite a soft spot for the "Chemically Imbalanced Romance", He only refused to visit the other because of how horrid he had acted to Virgil that day. Roman had already deemed himself as unforgivable.  

Roman paced back and forth in front of the dark and gloomy door, holding the other's jacket he had taken, conceiving whether to knock or not.  Roman looked down at a plate of food Patton had left, Virgil. It was cold and untouched, which made Roman only feel worse about what he had said. It didn't matter it had been said, and he just wished to apologize, whether the other would forgive Roman or not. He just needed to talk with Virgil and tell him that Roman had been so wrong. Roman hesitated to knock on the door knowing the anxious side most likely wouldn't bother to answer.

"V-Virgil? It's Roman..." Roman cursed inwardly at himself for his voice cracking. "Look. I regret what I said, I truly had no idea, and I take it back. Just let me- let  _us_ in and help." Moments had passed full of silence and awkward tension, Roman was ready to walk away until he heard a click of the door ahead of him.


	4. Hate is a strong word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This may be the third to the last chapter of the story hope you enjoyed it so far!

Virgil stood there, He clearly heard the 'Prince' at the door apologizing.

He already bandaged up his arm so no need to worry, not too much at least. As he reached for the doorknob his hand started shaking, he desperately wanted to open the door and bawl his eyes out, asking the other for comfort. Despite him wanting to he could barely bring himself to even unlock the door. Virgil was never the type to let others see him so vulnerable, that's why he had always kept up his dark persona, he wouldn't bother the others anymore he needed to. He wanted to stay right there, hoping no one would notice yet at the same time, wishing for comfort. 

He unlocked the door.

Roman didn't hesitate to open the door and barge in only to see Virgil standing there, _helpless_. His heart dropped to his stomach, Virgil avoiding eye contact with Roman, Virgil's eyes are dull, face red and puffy from crying. Roman didn't notice before but without the jacket, Virgil was extremely skinny and frail looking, and the bandages on his arm...those weren't there before...he wasn't going to ask how. He so badly wanted to hold Virgil tight and slay the problems troubling him, but he couldn't simply do that, It was _never_ as simple as that. 'Fluffy Talky Feely' things, as Roman put it, weren't the easiest things to converse about with the much darker trait. 

"Whatever...It's fine, I don't...care anymore. I don't want you to only pity me, Roman" Virgil lied right through his teeth and Roman could tell how pained Virgil truly was with the crack in his voice. 

"No!" Virgil flinched at the loud statement and looked at Roman, He looked like he could cry as well.

  _ ~~You have to bother everyone don't you!~~_

_~~you're Idiotic!~~ _

_~~You're useless!~~ _

_~~Get it through your thick skull, Virgil!~~ _

Virgil was so glad that Roman kept talking, "It's not fine! It was awful and horribly rude of me to say such things to you! I...I am supposed to act prince-like." Roman's voice quivered as he spoke, and dark eyeshadow appeared under his eyes. "In reality, I am only an egotistical, rude, full of himse-"  "Stop." Roman was surprised at the objection. "W-what? But I was awful to you, Virgil! I wouldn't be surprised if you hate me..." A few tears fell to the floor, from both Virgil and Roman.

Silence slowly fell between the two, Virgil not knowing what to say, Roman not willing to say anything more.  


	5. An Ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Wow sorry for the immensely long pause in the story, I didn't mean to take that long of a break...So sorry!  
> I also suck at chapter titles, like dang.  
> Not gonna lie I cried a bit while writing this story. Might be because I'm a huge crybaby.  
> Warnings: Shortness of breath. Anxiety attacks. Please take this into consideration!

 

After a long moment of awkward silence, Roman takes it as his queue to leave, before placing Virgil's hoodie down on a dresser and turns to walk out.

"No, I don't hate you." Virgil grabbed Roman's arm, much to his own surprise.

"It's far from that, You even came to apologize and try to help me. All I've ever done was bother you, Patton, Logan...and I've only ever kept Thomas on edge. Yeah, I know it I can't just ditch my job. That 'I'm important to the team' but let's face it. I am quite literally the embodiment of anxiety, more so of Thomas' anxiety. How exactly am I supposed to be an optimist about this?" Virgil responded with,  letting go of Roman's arm and his own drifts back to his side.

_ You sounded like a complete idiot, Virgil!  _

The voice in Virgil's head hissed at him

"Sometimes... Um...sometimes... well not everything comes in pleasant pastels and fluffy fairy tales. Sometimes it comes from the black rifts of chaos, and that's absolutely fine. Really you need the darker things to shine some light, so to say. What I'm trying to say is that we  _ need  _ you, Virgil. I'm terribly sorry for what's been said and what I've said or done in the past I know I can't take it back but we can try and fix it.....Am I rambling? I'm positive that I'm rambling, why does it feel so hard to breathe? I'm Sorry!" Roman states claims talking faster and gaining volume with the last few sentences, as the eyeshadow under his eyes only grew darker.  

Roman could barely breathe, it felt as if everything at once was pressing down on his chest. His eye grew glossy and he needed out.

"Roman. Calm down you're spiraling. We should go to the commons but breathe in and out.....In for 4....hold for 7.....out with 8, keep breathing like that and I'll take us to the commons, okay?" Virgil asked, with a serious tone in his voice, Roman nodded in reply and did as he was told. Virgil grabs his black and purple patchwork hoodie, sliding his right arm into the sleeve, using his left hand to grab Roman, and sink down to the living area.

Surprisingly, no one else was in the commons at the time, it roughly took Roman two minutes to calm down from what had occurred, prior. 

No one was to be at fault for how Roman was affected by the room but Virgil couldn't help but feel guilty for what happened to the creative side. Virgil only hoped that he has gotten Roman out of his room fast enough, the corruption of a side was never good news, for the host nor the other sides.

"Princey?" Virgil questioned. 

"I-I am fine?" Roman had said only to be said more as a question than a reply.

"That was stupid of...us. Let's just say that we both messed up. Wouldn't be the first time I have. You could have gotten corrupted." Virgil mumbled.

"I agree, but if you keep talking like that I’ll have to get Patton to fight you.” Roman lightheartedly laughed and Virgil laughed along

The laughter felt like bells ringing in Roman’s ears.

“It’s good to know your somewhat back to yourself, Virgil. Still, I have to apologize.” Roman looked at the ground. 

Virgil put his hand on Roman’s shoulder, “Hey it’s it’s alright, really. Just It might take awhile to adjust ya know?”

“Yeah, I understand.”  Roman glanced back up at Virgil, Virgil gave him a soft smile.

Roman thought it would be best to go tell Patton and Logan that Virgil had finally come back, but that would be later.    
Right now, Roman and Virgil would continue to talk things out as much as they could. To an extent, and yes, they would have their differences and settle them, again, and again. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading! If you'd like to I could take requests, (I'm not too good at making up prompts)  
> and see ya in another story I hope to write!  
> -Drabbles


End file.
